Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Vacation.

Highlights included:

Staying at the best hotel ever. Huge rooms, huge beds, huuuuuge tubs. Water slides, pirate ships, lazy rivers. If you are ever in Maui, stay here.


He was thrilled.
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During our boating trip, I had decided if one Dramamine was good, four was better. Twenty minutes later found me wandering a mall a little more buzzed than a good Mormon girl should be high. I then decided while buzzed high that I need a insanely large rimmed hat. Think Kentucky Derby size. The saleslady said I looked like a tall Aubrey Hepburn. I think it was a good look for me.

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Once we got on the boat it all worked out. Colin was afraid of actually snorkeling (i.e. the whole reason for the boat ride and drugged state) so I ended up dragging him through the ocean on a floatie with a window to see the fish. Also, I didn't vomit. Score!

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My left boob made a sudden and unexpected appearance at a public beach. If you're my Facebook friend, you already know that. Also, Blake doesn't know so let's just keep it between us. Hi, honey!

(Really, I blame Costco for the boob thing. Them and their swimsuit they stick on life-size clear plastic bodies. You can only think "This looks just like me! But maybe my nipples aren't always so perky". Then you get home and realize you're 6'1" and maybe it doesn't fit you the same way. But is a non-fitting swimsuit a good excuse to go ALL THE WAY BACK to Costco? No mama, it is not.)

Colin's only request was to visit the Maui Aquarium, which is super sucky. Just a heads up--Hawaii's attitude towards aquariums seems to be, "Hey, what the hell are you doing inside? Go to the beach. Aloha."

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I had a one hour massage. ONE HOUR! I pretty sure I drooled all over her table, but it was totally worth it.

Blake is very, very cute in Maui (taken right after the massage--can't you just feel how relaxed I am?)

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We played on the beaches and got very, very sandy. And you know what? I DIDN'T EVEN CARE!

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In conclusion, Maui is awesome. Boobs should stay in your swimsuit. Don't do drugs.

The end.

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8 comments:

Niki said...

I think your boobs are actually bigger than mine now. Seriously. I wish mine would fall out of anything at this point. LOL.

Brandi said...

"In conclusion, Maui is awesome. Boobs should stay in your swimsuit. Don't do drugs."

You totally should be a First Lady.

(And I would have paid money to see you high in a Kentucky Derby hat.)

Crystal said...

I am so bummed I missed you high. That was probably awesome.

Des said...

Looks like a super fun time! I am so jeolous of your boat ride. I have never had trouble with sea sickness but getting high is tempting...it would be easy to deny;) I love the picture with Blake and the kiddos. It always sucks to have vacation come to end. Then a whole year has to come around again. Coarse when you live in HAWAII...vacation year round baby! I'm sure it's different when you actually live there.

Emily said...

Awesome! I laughed through that entire post! Sounds like fun....I always say it's hard to top nudity and drugs;)

Sailing Past Maturity Straight into Senility said...

I'm drooling slightly over your shot of Blake... there is something very, very wrong about this.

Harmony said...

Mom--so very, very wrong!! HA!

Chapman Family said...

Don't do drugs... oh you kill me. And was that a photoshop hat? You will laugh, but I have a black sun hat too... curious.

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